


The Soul Stones

by Hathor_girl



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Tok'ra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hathor_girl/pseuds/Hathor_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam begins having vivid dreams after they bring home artifacts from an ancient, mysterious civilization.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bold is symbiote speaking in symbiote voice.

I smile happily at Martouf, then lean in and gives him another kiss. He throws his arms around me and pull me down in bed again, beginning to caress me. I feel my body respond. It would be so easy to just give in...

I do so for a few minutes, then I pull back, sighing.

"I really need to get up. I have a meeting in an hour, an I'd like some breakfast first - and a shower, unless you want the whole base to be able to smell what we've been doing." I smile at him. 

Martouf's eyes flash and Lantash looks at me naughtily. 

" **I do not mind them knowing, my Samantha - besides, I am sure they already know. No one in their right mind thinks I would be able to just sleep beside your lucious body!** " He steals another kiss, and I feel my mind swirl from the passion.

I steel myself and get up. "Yeah, they know - but I don't think they wanna be reminded!"

Grabbing a few pieces of clothing, I flee to the small bathroom in my quarters, showering quickly. When I return, finishing putting on my shirt, Lantash is looking at me with a very serious expression.

" **Please, Samantha. Do not leave. If you do, we may never see each other again.** "

I kiss him, and he almost clings to me for a moment. It is cute - and a little desperate. Or is it? I feel a nagging doubt.

"I will be back, don't worry! I always get back! This mission isn't that dangerous." I kiss him again, then turn to leave.

" **We love you, Samantha.** "

I hear the desperation in his voice. What is going on? He isn't usually this needy. Again, I get a feeling of dread. I shake the feeling. Ridiculous superstition.

"Love you too, Lantash, Martouf." I blow them a kiss and leave.

* * *

I sit bolt upright in bed, still imagining hearing Lantash calling after me. A faint Samantha hanging in the air. I am alone, of course. It was all a dream. Again.

I have been having this dream or variations of it for weeks. Almost every night, unless I'm so exhausted I don't dream at all. What is going on? It has been 7 years since Martouf died, nearly 5 and a half year since Lantash died. I had a steady stream of dreams - nightmares, mostly - each time, worst the second time, since I had not know Martouf was truly dead until then.

However, it had tapered off after some months, going down to the occasional dream, usually triggered by something that reminds me of them, or once in a while otherwise. A visit by a Tok'ra would usually do that, but it would not result in more than a few dreams, and most if them of the type I had had before they died.

That is, romantic, or downright erotic dreams. I admit I had been a little ashamed, but had enjoyed them, in a guilty way, when they were still alive.

Now, these dreams bring me nothing but sorrow, reminding me of what I would never have.

However, these dreams are different. Frequent, almost real. Damn it - they feel real. As if I am seeing things happening, almost. Not even as if they are memories. And they are about me and Martouf and Lantash. Mostly the dreams were from Jolinar before, sometimes with me being in Jolinar's position, but only rarely about myself.

The current ones? They are very disturbing. As if I am seeing the life I could have had, had the Goa'uld not killed my...beloveds. There. I admitted it to myself. I loved them. Love them still. Always will, I suppose. No idea what is from Jolinar and what is from me. No longer care.

Wish I had gotten there while they were still alive. Then maybe things had gone differently and they would still be alive.

If I had been their mate - the Tok'ra would have asked me before deciding to remove Lantash from Martouf. Against his will, I'm sure.

Actually, I am certain Lantash would never have left his host, if there was any chance of healing him. I know this from Jolinar. And Ren'al said they didn't wanna risk it.

Meaning there was a chance. Meaning they removed Lantash by force. Meaning they wouldn't have asked or listened to me either. Mate or not.

I could stop beating myself up over that small point, then. That part would not have changed even I were their mate. But something else might. I sigh.

There is something else. I also know the Tok'ra would never behave like this. Removing a symbiote - against its will - from a willing host, was considered as bad a taking an unwilling host.

Something was seriously wrong! Why have I not thought of this before?

Yeah, grief blocked my rational thought, and later I didn't wanna be reminded. But still.

Is this why I keep having these dreams? Because my subconscious is telling me this is how it should have been?

I shake my head. This is madness. I do not need this. I take a deep breath and get out of bed. I take a long showed, then get on with my day. As I have done every day since it happened. Every day since these dreams started. As I always do.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a hard mission. We have spent 4 nights on a hellhole of a planet, with natives trying to kill us, wildlife trying to kill us - and the fricking weather trying to kill us!

Only good thing was that I slept without dreaming - that I know of, at least. I am surprised, but I guess I shouldn't have been. These dreams seem to only bother me when I am not in danger from something else.

I keep having the unpleasant feeling this is some form of communication. Is some alien having fun with me? I am almost considering asking the others if any of them are having weird dreams.

On second thought...better not. Don't wanna end up in Mackenzies straight-jacket, like Daniel did, even if this too should turn out to be something of alien origin.

I take a long, hot bath. It is wonderful to be clean again.

After the debrief, I go to my lab. I want to take a look at some stuff I remembered we brought back several weeks ago...actually, now I think it coincided with the start of my dreams.

I haul out the boxes with the stuff. It stumps me as much as it did when we just came back. We know nothing of the culture. It seemed unrelated to any of the other major civilizations we had met or found ruins and artifacts from. They seemed highly advanced, though.

The weirdest thing is is something that looks like smooth stones - the material seems translucent, but when you hold them up to the light, they are opaque. They are not transparent to any of the scanners I have tried on them, including Tok'ra ones. I cannot cut them with anything either. They are a complete mystery.

I remember spending a lot of time looking at them when we just found them. They are not radioactive, but they are warm to the touch. Not hot, but pleasantly warm. I feel drawn to them, just as I was the first time I saw them. With some difficulty, I put them down and focus on something else.

I spend a couple hours studying the other things we found on the planet. Some of it is obviously technological, some is mostly likely art.

All completely refuses any of my attempts at finding out what they are.

 

* * *

"Sam?"

I turn to see my good friend Daniel, carrying two mugs of steaming hot coffee.

"Hi." I smile.

"Thought you could use some coffee. You tend to get lost down here and forget to eat and whatnot."

"Thanks." I take the coffee and take a sip. It is hot, black, and strong, as I like it.

"What are you studying? Is that the stuff from - uh - P5X-734?"

"Yep - and I have no idea what any of it is." I sigh. "You wanna take a look? Some of it has something that looks like writing."

"Hmmm." Daniel sits down and picks up the piece I have decided is some sort of decoration. He looks at it with interest. "It's actually somewhat similar to the ceremonial tablets we found on P3X-924...I wonder if they are related...?" He lost himself in his study, and I focused on one of the other artifacts.

It's probably almost an hour later when Daniel makes a whoop of excitement.

"What's up?" I wonder, a little unsettled. I almost dropped a device that looks fragile. Of course, I could proably drop the Stargate on it without making a dent in it. Nothing is ever as simple as I think when it comes to alien technology - especially not this alien technology.

"I think I can read this - or that I'll be able to. I need to look in some of my notes, but I think this is significant!"

"In what way?"

"If I can translate this, we can tell which culture they are related to." Daniel looks at me as if that in itself is enough. I realise it is - for him. I need something else.

"What does it say?"

"Oh...I'm not sure, actually. Something about 'soul-stones' and connections through...time, perhaps? It doesn't make any sense, so it's probably wrong. Or maybe related to their religion."

"Do you think these are what it's mentioning?" I hand him the weird stones, feeling excited. They warm perceptibly to my touch.

"Hmmm...yeah, probably. Where they found together?"

I check my notes, then nod. "Yeah, together."

"Looks strange, but could be anything. Have you checked if it's just frosted glass?"

"Frosted glass!" I stare at him. "Are you crazy? It doesn't look like glass. It is harder than any known substance...I've checked. It changes the opacity when I hold them to the light - and finally, they are warm to the touch!"

Daniel shrugs. "If you say so." He picks one of them up again. "It doesn't change when I look through it - stays clear. And it's no warmer than the room, I think. Don't you think you've mistaken?"

I take the stones from him. They feels warm to me! I decide to make another check. I haven't measured their temperature yet, only felt them.

"I'll double-check. When do you think you can figure out what the rock says?"

"It's not a rock - it's an artifact. A tablet. Don't go Jack on me!"

I sigh. "OK, when can you tell me what the text on the tablet says?"

"Not sure...I'll go take a look now."

I nod. "Tell me how it goes."

"Sure."

I break out all the heavy stuff to examine the stones. And now I don't touch them - I hold them with forceps.

The results are baffling. They stay clear instead of going opaque. The temperature of them is not different than that of their surroundings. It's class A weird. Did I hallucinate it all? I check the clock. It is late. I decide to postpone further test until tomorrow. We have no missions for the rest of the week anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, the dreams were even more real than the other nights. The ending was different. Now I dreamt about returning to my room, after going on the mission I insisted was important enough to leave Martouf and Lantash, despite them begging me not to.

I entered my room, only to see Martouf lying dead on the floor, his head cut open. Beside him lay Lantash, dying. Inexplicably, he looks up at me with a sad look in his eyes, and says something. I lean closer in order to hear him.

" **Samantha...I love you. I am sorry for what happened, but I could not stop...** "

He dies, before he finishes the sentence. Who couldn't he stop? I fall to my knees beside them, cradling them, crying as if my heart would break.

Then I wake up with a scream, covered in cold sweat and my face wet. I sit in the darkness of my room, waiting for my heartbeat to return to normal.

It was a dream.

I look at the clock. It is 4 AM. I realise there is no way I am going back to sleep, so I go to my small bathroom and take a long shower.

I sit down on my bed, and look at the place in my room where I saw dream-Martouf and Lantash dead. There is no one there, of course. I take a deep breath and lie down, trying to go back to sleep.

Every time I close my eyes, I see my loved ones again. Dead. I do not fall asleep until nearly 6 AM, and it is a fitfull sleep. My clock rings at 7 AM, and I get up, feeling more exhausted than the evening before.

This cannot continue. I decide to take another look at the stones, and if that doesn't solve anything, I will ask Dr. Lam for some sleeping pills.

* * *

I repeat my experiments from yesterday, getting the same results. The stones appear to just be glass - very hard, unbreakable glass, but glass, nonetheless. They don't get warm, and they don't turn opaque.

Then I pick up one of the stones with my hands and look at it, closely. It feels warm, but I try to ignore it, deciding it must be my imagination.

Looking through it, it turns opaque, and I imagine seeing a figure in there. As I look at it longer, the figure becomes clearer, and now looks like Martouf. He smiles, then his eyes flash while I look. His mouth is moving, as if he is talking. Then he becomes somber...unhappy...his expression desperate.

I put the stone down, unable to watch any longer. What is going on? I sit for some time before I pick it up again. I need to see what happens.

It takes shorter for the figure to become clear this time, and now I can almost hear his voice. I know I must be going mad, but I cannot stop myself. I stare at the stone, as the story on it (in it?) unfolds.

"Sam?"

I almost drop the stone, then put it down, turning with a guilty look. Daniel stands in the doorway.

"Uh, hi Daniel." I give him a smile I have just plastered on my face.

He frowns, clearly realising something is wrong.

"Sam? Are you OK? I brought coffee - and I also found out what the tablet says!"

I barely hear what he says. These stones do work. I have no idea what they do or how, but they do something. I wonder why do they not show anything when Daniel touch them? Or when I do measurements? Perhaps I should try repeating the experiments while I touch them? Perhaps it is the naquadah in my blood that is somehow activating them?

"I think it is the naquadah." I tell them, watching his weird expression.

"Naquadah? What are you talking about?"

"The stones do react to something. To me. I think it is because I have naquadah in my blood!" 

Daniel nods. "Perhaps." He looks concerned. "What do they do?"

Haven't I told him? Perhaps not. I explain it to him. He looks more concerned. 

"What is it?" I ask him. 

He frowns. "The text on the tablet tells about the stones."

"Oh yeah, you said. What does it say?" I am really interested. 

"I thought it was just myth, but they are called 'sole-stones'. Apparently they make a connection between 'true mates' - and they are supposed to work across time and space."

I blush. 'True mates'. "Um, perhaps it's the truth - they seem to do something at least."

Daniel looks searchingly at me. "I didn't know you felt like that about Martouf."

"I - guess I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know myself at first."

Daniel nods. "I understand. I guess it was confusing for you." He pushes his glasses up from his nose. "Sam, according to this tablet, the stones were used to communicate - people on that planet would take one each, if they were to be far away from each other for a long time. The stones would connect them."

"But I have been having very vivid dreams when I am not touching the stones - and Martouf and Lantash doesn't have one - they're dead, even!"

"Yes, in the present, but not in the past. For 'true mates' the stones connect through both space and time! And you only need one of the them to have a stone for it to make the connection. Sam, it imprints on you!"

"It's - impressive. And I think I understand, but what I don't understand is that it doesn't show me something that actually happened! It shows me something that could have happened!"

"It connects through time and space - why not to other close realities also, perhaps? Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it actually does. And my mind tries to make sense of all these signals, leading me to see Martouf and Lantash trying to tell me something - telling me not to go."

"If I understand what it says on the tablet correctly, you need to allow the stones to complete the connection, or you will continue to have those dreams."

I shudder. That would make me go crazy. "OK, let's see what happens then." I pick up one of the stones again. "Keep an eye on me, will you."

"You can count on it!" 

 

* * *

I sit for a long time, staring at the stone as it changes, the mist in it slowly coalescing and becoming Martouf and Lantash. Then I see me as well. I can see them talking. I can almost hear it. Then the scene changes, and I see another version of Martouf and Lantash - and me. Then another, and another...it keeps changing. In some scenes I think I am still host to Jolinar, in others to another symbiote, in yet others we have children. 

I realise the stones are showing me possible alternate realities - or perhaps actual alternate realities. It is as if it realises I am aware of this, for now the scene changes again, focuses on a reality I - somehow - know is this. 

Or should be this, because Martouf and Lantash are alive and well. They are with me, smiling happily as they lift up our youngest child. The child laughs, and I see - Lantash? smile broadly at her. I stand beside them, looking happy. Our son is there as well, looking to be about 6 years old. He has a gorgeous smile, much like his fathers. 

I feel a pang of regret, as I look at this happy scene. What should I have done different for this to be real? Could I have done anything? 

The stone senses my question, and change again. Now I recognize the scene. Martouf - looking so sweet and shy - is telling me he has become 'fond' of me. I am locked up in a room with guards outside, because they think I am a zatarc. Of course it was Martouf who was the zatarc, but I could not have known, could I?

Though, perhaps I could - he calls me Sam. He don't do that normally. Always Samantha. I remember wondering about it for a moment, but then forgetting about it, because of all the stress then. 

I watch as the scene plays out, finally ending in Martouf being shot as a zatarc. The Tok'ra take him away - it is not me that leaves, he is forced to leave. I see myself not wanting to let go of him, knowing they have to take him, if Lantash is to have any chance at healing him. 

I remember not wanting to let them leave, wanting to go with them. Why didn't I? The stone zooms my attention on me - then. Why didn't I go with them? Would it have made a difference if I had?

Perhaps. They could not have ignored me if I was in the tunnels while Lantash tried healing Martouf. I could have kept them under observation. Insisted on being there for any examinations and decisions. 

They would have let me. Especially then, before so many Tau'ri-friendly Tok'ra had been killed. While Selmak had a lot of clouth in the council. 

That is what I should have done! I hear - faintly - Lantash's voice. "Don't abandon us, my Samantha..." 

 

* * *

I slowly come back to reality as the mist in the stone again covers everything. It has shown me what it wanted. Now the rest is up to me. How do I fix this? Can I? 

"Sam?" Daniel ask me, worried. "Are you ok?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think so." I realise there are tears in my eyes, and I wipe them away. "Did you see any of it?"

"I saw figures move as if in a fog, but nothing clear. I kind of assume it was different for you?"

I nod again. "Yes, very." I tell him what I saw. 

Daniel is very quiet. "Do you think it will stop the dreams?"

"I hope. Because I doubt there is anything I can do, short of time travel." I laugh a little bitterly. Why did this even have to happen? I did not need to know there was actually something I could have done to make this different. "I feel exhausted. I'm going to bed."

"I understand. Sam, I'm here for you if you need to talk. You know that. Always."

"I know." I smile at him. He is a good friend. It would be so much easier if I loved him the way I love Martouf and Lantash. For one thing, he is alive. But one cannot control ones feelings. 

I go to bed. Hopefully, this has at least laid the demons to rest and my mind will allow me to sleep. Peacefully. 

 

* * *

It turns out my hopes of a peaceful night were futile. My dreams were worse than ever, and I awoke bathed in cold sweat and my heart beating like crazy. It took several long deep breaths to steady myself, and I lied down again. I tried every meditation trick I had heard from Teal'c, but I just could not go back to sleep.

I looked at the clock. 4 AM. I sigh deeply and get up and shower, then dress. I go to the mess hall and sit down with a cup of coffee. No reason to kid myself any longer.

As soon as it is officially morning, I go to see Dr. Lam. She yells at me because she is concerned.

"Why haven't you come to see me before? You're a wreck!"

"Gee, thanks!" I give her the evil eye. As if I didn't know!

"How long has it been since you slept well?" She sounds kinder now.

"Weeks, almost a month." I admit.

"Why haven't you come to see me?"

For a moment I wonder the same, but I know why. I don't want her to put me away somewhere with soft walls. Then I will never resolve this, and quite possibly go crazy. I can't tell her that, though. 

"I thought I could handle it on my own."

Lam snorts. I guess she's heard that before. From all of us. 

"Just give me something to sleep, and I'll be fine." I tell her.

She looks at me, clearly not believing me. She sighs, giving in. For now.

"OK, but if it doesn't get better in a week, I'm expecting you back here - with a full explanation."

I nod, and take the pills. I just need to get through today, then I can sleep. Hopefully. 

 

* * *

 

With the pills I quickly fall asleep, but then the dream comes. When finally I do wake from them, I see the time is 5 AM. So the pills let me sleep another hour, but somehow I feel even more drained. The dream-phase seems to have lasted most of the time I slept, though I know that should not be the case. Is the stones still messing with my mind? 

Did they alter me permanently? I consider going off-world, since at least usually sleep there. Then I get an idea. I will see if I can find an excuse to go back to P5X-734. If they made these stones, then perhaps they also made a way of stopping their effect. 

Otherwise I'm so screwed! 

I stumble through my morning rituals and soon I am sitting in the mess hall again, with yet another cup of black coffee in front of me. I have also gotten a piece of toast, which is sitting on my plate, staring offendingly at me. 

I can't remember when last I was able to eat. This is killing me! 

"Hi." Daniel sit down in front of me.

"Hi." I look at my watch. 6:30 AM. "Wow, you're early."

"So are you." He observe. "Didn't the pills work?"

"Some." 

He looks at me with concern. "You still had the dreams, though."

"Yeah."

"Sam...this can't continue. You look pale and harried! You can't keep this up!"

"What do you want to do? I was thinking of finding an excuse to go back to P5X-73...maybe find some cure there."

Daniel nod. "That's actually not a bad idea. And I'm on a group that's going there tomorrow. We can see if we can get them to send you. As protection or to help with something - science-stuff. We only have archaeologists on the team. I'm sure a astrophysicist and computer wizz would be a boon."

"Thanks, Daniel. I hope you can convince them."

I stumble through the day. Fortunately, Daniel inform me they accepted that I can come with them. It is good SG-1 is still on stand-down for a few days. Tomorrow we're going to P5X-734 - and I will find a way to fix this. One way or another!


	4. Chapter 4

After another misearable night, I felt grateful for going through the gate. At least I would be able to sleep on the other planet. Perhaps I should join the Tok'ra? That way I would always be off world...of course, that probably doesn't work. It's only in new, dangerous places. I sigh deeply and the other give me a concerned look. I suspect Daniel has told them of my problems, or perhaps it is obvious from how I look. 

They say nothing, though, and I feel grateful. We begin looking through the place. The ruins are vast, and there is much more - both writing and technology than what we saw the first time. Soon we are all immersed in the study of this fascinating place. 

"Samantha. You must not leave me." Again I see him, hear him. I feel I get pulled into the - vision? Is that the right word? 

"Colonel!" They call for me. I slowly return my focus. I see their worried faces, they have called me many times, I just know it. 

"Yes. What is it?"

The young woman frown, but decides not to comment. I am strangely relieved. Grateful, even. 

"We found something you should look at. Doctor Jackson thinks it will make sense to you." 

I nod and follow them. Inside there is several corridors and I follow them through a long one illuminated by invisible light strips. Alien technology, and obviously advanced. More so than the rest of the stuff on this world. They tell me they just got the door to this corridor open. 

We go passed several doors, finally entering what must be a lab. In the middle stands a big honkin' machine. It is undescribable. Daniel waves at me from one of the tables along the walls where he is looking at some tablets. Various odds and ends are strewn over the tables - it is quite obviously an alien lab. 

I go to Daniel, ever since I entered this room I have difficulty concentrating, I walk as through molasses and fog. The vision of Martouf and Lantash are just outside visual range the whole time. Somehow I imagine I can almost sense them. It is deeply weird. Am I going mad or is there something in here that does this to me? Enhances the effects of the stones, perhaps? Because all others seems to be behaving normally and no one's said there's anything odd in here. 

"Yes, Daniel?" 

"Take a look at this." He excitedly points at a tablet. I now see it shimmers and there is a kind of screen on it which scrolls to a different page as I look. perhaps it is related to the Goa'uld reading tablets we have come across sometimes. 

"I can't read the language."

"Of course." He shakes his head, looking bashful. He forgets the rest of us doesn't have his knowledge of languages and cultures. 

"Ok what did you want me to give my opinion of?" 

"See this text? It talks about 'that which was and that which should be, can be aligned, if the connection is deep'. I think it talks about those stones, and maybe breaking the connection which screws with your mind. What do you think?"

"Perhaps." I feel excited. This may be it! But what do they mean 'can be aligned'? They can't mean there is a machine that can change the timeline, do they? "What does it say there?" I point at some text below a pictogram that could well be meant to describe the huge machine in this room. 

"Enter the...alcove? perhaps...and relax, focus on your love. If the connection is strong and true, you will get a chance to...I'm not sure of the word's meaning...it may mean 'repair', or it could also be 'change'...and then followed by 'that which is to that which should be'. Sam, do you think it's talking about changing history instead?" Daniel looks excited.

"I think it does...and if so it is an incredibly dangerous piece of machinery."

"Well, it does speak of the 'if the connection is deep' so maybe it only changes that one thing - gives true soul mates a chance to be together if something has happened to kill one of them or something, or otherwise block them from being together."

"That's so romantic!" Says one of the other archaeologists, looking sentimental. 

With how this has been affecting me I'm not exactly sure romantic is the best description. I scoff, but decide to not comment on it. What Daniel says is more important. I still think this is very very dangerous. Perhaps dangerous enough that it is worth my sanity if this continues. I dare not risk changing all of history just for me.

"It'll totally change other things, unless it is making parallel universes." I tell them. "And I doubt that, since these 'connections' would probably have to be inside the same universe." I actually don't have a clue, but someone needs to make these people see reason, or they do something that can potentially bring victory to Anubis or the Ori - or maybe increase the power of the Goa'uld so we never won over them. I can't and I won't risk that. 

"Ok, but what if the universe that resulted was better? It could be, couldn't it?" Daniel suggests.

"Yeah." I admite. "But in all likelyhood it will be worse. I guess it depends on what the machine does. Somehow saving Martouf and Lantash will change history, no matter how desirable it would be to save them. For one thing, we woulda never have made it off Revenna when Zipacna attacked, if Lantash and Elliott had not given their lives for us."

Daniel nods. "True...or maybe we would have found another way. If history would not already have been changed at that point so Zipacna did not attack - or did so earlier - or something."

Granted, Daniel is right. Almost 1 1/2 year passed between Martouf was shot and Lantash gave his life. Lotsa things could have happened in between. Including avoiding the devastating attack on the Tok'ra. That would have been very good. And not even unlikely, given that Martouf and Lantash were very friendly to Earth, and would probably have helped keep the alliance between our people strong. Something that could very well be what was needed to stear history in another direction. I reluctantly nod. 

"Possible..." Suddenly I am hit by another powerful vision. 

"Samantha..." Martouf begs me to shoot him, and eventually I do. Killing him. Saving him from destroying himself. For all the good it did. I run to him, catch his bloody, dying body. I cry. The loop repeats. I cannot get out of it. It repeats again and again. Finally, mercifully, all becomes black and I collapse.

 

* * *

When I come to, I am outside the building. I slowly open my eyes and see Daniel frowning at me. He looks worried.

"Sam?"

"Yeah." I groan and close my eyes again for a moment. Then I open them and slowly sit up. The world is spinning, and I can still faintly hear Martouf's voice as he calls for me to end his life. 

"What happened?"

"I had a bad vision. A strong one of when Martouf was shot as a zatarc." When I shot him. "It just kept repeating - and it wasn't just a memory, it was as if I was reliving it. I felt all the anxiety and grief all over. I could feel him when I caught his lifeless body. Again, and again." I almost sob, but this is not me. 

"You must use the machine, Sam. I can'"

"No."

"Sam. It'll kill you. Drive you insane. You must grab this chance to maybe fix things."

"No, I musn't do that. Even if it kills me or makes me mad not to. Don't you understand? I can't  allow myself to do something like that! Risking the Galaxy for my own happiness."

"Your own life and sanity - which is important to Earth. I don't know how many times you have saved us all. And you might bring about a better Galaxy. Isn't it worth that? I refuse to believe you couldn't somehow do that. Sam, I really don't understand you! I would jump at a chance to be with Sha're again. Even if it risked the Galaxy, because I'm sure it would somehow work out in the end. If I had naquadah in my blood or whatever it is those stones needs to activate, I can assure you I would rub against them until they connected me to Sha're - and then I would use the machine as fast as I ever could." 

There is nothing I can say to that. I feel sorry for Daniel. I wonder what it was that actually was supposed to activate these stones that naquadah somehow emulated? Or was it the change done by Jolinar? Her protein-markers? I guess I have no idea. I hug Daniel, saying nothing. Then I look at him, earnestly. 

"I think I may take your advice."

"Do so, Sam. I'll help you get in there - you seem to react pretty intensely to the room."

I nod and get up. We quietly walks to the lab again, the others staying outside.


	5. Chapter 5

"What to do now, you think?" Daniel asks me.

I can barely concentrate. It's as if each time I go in here, the visions or whatever it is are getting stronger. I am inside the small 'alcove'-like room we found in the machine. I sit down heavily on the small chair.

"I don't know..." I barely have time to say it, before the whole machine activates. It starts humming and blinking and a door opens in the roof. A kind of cap connected to lots and lots of wires, descends from the roof. "I think you should leave, Daniel, before something happens..."

He nods, and gives me a quick hug. "Good luck."

"Thanks..."

He steps out and the alcove closes. The cap touches my head now, and it molds itself to it, completely. I feel as if I am floating, but I can still see the room, as through a veil.

" _Samantha Carter..._ " The voice appear to be inside my head - or perhaps everywhere. " _You have come here to change that which has happened - in order to be rejoined with the mates of your soul._ "

I look around, confused, but there is no one here but me. "Who's there?"

" _I am Sikor, the one in charge of reuniting soul mates who have been wrongly separated. Samantha Carter...are you prepared to go through with the transference?_ "

"Um...what transference?"

" _In order to attempt to change that which should not have happened, your consciousness will be sent back to the focal time, which the stones have connected you to. You will have the forknowledge of all that happened - some of what might still happen. It is a great responsibility. You will have the chance to create other opportunities. You may save your loved ones._ "

"And if I don't do this? I mean, get sent back, or whatever you mean."

" _Then the connection will still remain, and it will run to its inevitable conclusion._ "

"I will go mad."

" _Yes. Regrettably, your mind will not be able to handle it for long, and you will end up forever reliving the moment that is the focal point. It has already started to happen._ "

"So if I don't do this, I will keep seeing Martouf getting shot, again and again - and never experience anything else? Yeah, that may drive me mad pretty quickly. I'm soo going to try the consciousness transferrence!"

" _Then the choice has been made. Relax. When you wake up, you will be were you wish to be._ "

I feel everything darken, and I loose consciousness. I do not know how much later it is when I awake, but I faintly hear a voice.

" _Good luck - now the future of your loved ones rest in your hands..._ "

* * *

"Sam?" I open my eyes, and look at my dad. "Are you alright?"

"I...I think so..."

"You collapsed...passed out." He look worried. I look around the room. It is my quarters. My dad is here. That should surprise me, as he's dead, but somehow it doesn't. I feel confused, and I can't remember what has happened. I also feel very sad.

"I'm sorry...it's just...I have a lot on my mind..." I try as an excuse - it's normally the truth, so he shouldn't be surprised.

"I can imagine." He looks closely at me. "Are you sure you don't want to come back with me? If nothing else, then maybe a short vacation would do you good."

Suddenly I remember. "Martouf!" I call out, and collapse to the floor again, clutching my head against the splitting pain I suddenly feel. As I remember, I realise it must be the two sets of memories...consciousnesses of me...integrating and becoming one in my mind. Suddenly the pain of Martouf's dead is very fresh, and combined with the many years of regret for never telling him of my feelings, as well as the last weeks stress, I start sobbing.

My dad just stares at me for a moment, since this is _not_ how I usually behave.

"Anise said you reacted rather... _strongly_ to Martouf being shot. I didn't believe her when she said you had cried in the gateroom in front of everyone." He finally says. "I guess Selmak is smarter than me - she said I was an idiot. I'm sorry, sweetie." He crouches down and awkwardly put a hand on my shoulder. Dad has never been good at the touchy-feely stuff. I'm usually the same, but not right now, as I can't stop crying.

"Sorry, dad. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just...I _really_ wish Martouf hadn't been the zatarc. I...I miss him. There's so much I've never told him - or Lantash, and now they're dead." I cry as if my heart will break, which indeed it feels like. I can't even tell what is my feelings and what are Jolinar's. Both parts are devastated.

"Sam...they may live...Anise says Lantash is well enough that he might be able to heal Martouf, if he is given the chance." He sighs. "I'm not supposed to tell you this. You're not Tok'ra, so you're not considered to be involved - not by all of the Council, though some of them may accept your say." He sighs again. "Martouf and Lantash are being kept in stasis, while the Council argue. Delek, Ren'al and their group wants to remove Lantash - in order to not risk his life, they say. And they will then let the scientists examine Martouf's body for any clues about the zatarc-programming. The Council is dead-locked, since Garshaw, myself, and a few others won't let them."

"You _musn't_ let them remove Lantash! He must be allowed to try and heal Martouf! I'm sure that's what he'd want to!" I sniffle.

"I don't doubt that, sweetie, but he isn't going to be asked. In any case, nothing is going to happen any time soon. It may well take years before the Council makes up their mind..."

"You think they will end up voting to remove Lantash." I feel as if all hope leaves me. There is nothing I can do.

"Yes. Selmak's side in the Council is not as strong as it has been, and if more Tok'ra are killed because of the reckless behavious of the SGC, that will give stronger wind to the hawks, so to speak."

"I wish there was something I could do." I wipe the tears from my eyes and look up. "Do you think they will let me see them?"

Dad suddenly gives me a hug. "I will make sure they'll let you see them!" He dips his head and I realise Selmak is coming forward. Unconsciously, I straighten a little and wipe at my eyes again. I feel like an idiot - it's not like the symbiote haven't seen and heard everything my dad has!

" **Samantha. I share your pain. However, there may indeed be something you can do.** "

"Yes?" Hopeful I look at her. "What? Anything!"

" **As you may or may not know, you would have become Martouf and Lantash's mate if Jolinar had survived and you had stayed her host. Actually, you _did_ become their mate, according to official Tok'ra law, the moment you became her host. No one expected either you or Martouf and Lantash to actually consider that to be the case, since you were her host for such a short time. However, that does not change that Tok'ra law would recognize you as their mate, if you made that case before the Council.** "

" _What!?_ " I stare at her.

" **Neither you - nor they - have ever repudiated the continuation of the marriage, so it is valid. Also, a mate can challenge the Council's decision on their mates. You could tip the balance and demand that Lantash be given the chance to heal Martouf.** "

I feel my head spin. So that is what Martouf and Lantash meant in my vision! I should not let them go - meaning I should not leave them undefended with the Tok'ra! I suddenly know what I must do. Never mind that I have just found out I am married to Martouf and Lantash - why did no one tell me? - that is something I will talk to them about later.

"OK, so if I do this - challenge the Council. What happens afterwards? I mean, if Martouf and Lantash survives? Will I be their mate? I mean, it would still be something we should talk about then, right?"

" **It would clearly be something you should discuss with them, but in the eyes of the Tok'ra, you will be their mate, unless they repudiate the marriage before the Tok'ra Council. It will be up to Martouf and Lantash.** "

I nod slowly, trying to think. I know very well what they will choose. I remember Lantash's words...that he has come to love me as much as he loved Jolinar. I find myself happy over this - and so very much hoping Lantash can cure Martouf. I am fairly certain, though, having later read the autopsy reports for Martouf. He was not that badly wounded, and Lantash was mostly only wounded during removal - which he apparently fought bitterly, if I read correctly between the lines of what the Tok'ra said. That pained me greatly when I learned that, and made me feel even more guilty. Why did I not go with my dad to the Tok'ra before?

But I did not know then what I now know, I tell myself. And I do know what I must do now. I look at Selmak.

"I am coming with you. Will you tell me what I must say to the Council?"

Selmak smiles. " **Yes, of course.** " She suddenly gives me a hug, and I hug her back. It is nice that I suddenly are feeling closer to her as well, and no longer feel it strange she shares the body with my father.


	6. Chapter 6

I stand outside the Council chamber, waiting for the decision of the Council. I still feel a little dazed over it all. The Council members - except Selmak, who looked rather smug - were rather shocked when I declared I wanted my rightful marriage to Martouf and Lantash to be recognized, and when I made my challenge. I suspect their reaction is nothing to what my team-members will say when they hear about it. They were fortunately off base when I left with dad, as SG-1 is on stand-down. Officially to let us relax after the stress of the summit, but unofficially because I needed the time off.

Finally, they start coming out. My dad walks over to me with a big smile on his face. "Congratulations, kiddo! They accepted your challenge. Lantash will be allowed to try and heal Martouf."

I feel elated. "That's wonderful! Can I go see them first?"

"Well, they're currently in stasis, but I guess you can see the stasis chamber, if you want to. I have promised to help out with a healing device when they take them out, so that should increase their chances as well."

I hug my dad. "Thanks."

"You're welcome..." He gets a mischieveous glint in his eyes. "And congratulations on the marriage - I think you owe us all some wedding cake and a party."

I blush deeply. "Yeah...we'll see about that if everything goes well." I suddenly feel very worried. Before, all I thought about was getting Lantash permission to try and save Martouf, and I felt all would be well then. Now I fear he will not succeed. What then? Will I lose both without ever really having them? I feel a constriction in my chest.

My dad sees my change in mood. "They'll be alright, Sammie. We must believe that."

I nod, and we go to the Tok'ra healer's rooms, to check on Martouf and Lantash's stasis chamber. I still feel much trepidation.

* * *

It is a couple days later. The healers - and Anise/Freya - have checked and double checked the stasis unit, and scanned Martouf and Lantash inside. They feel confident they have prepared all as well as possible.

I stand in my small guest room I have been given. Now and then I pace back and forth. I look at my clock. By now they have shut down the stasis field, taken Martouf/Lantash out, and connected them to whatever machines the Tok'ra have to help keep Martouf stable while Lantash heal him. My dad will attempt to help with a healing device, as will two of the healers. Dad says he and Selmak are very good at it, so I should not be worried, but I am.

I try to relax. Sitting down. Getting up again. Pacing the small room. I am going crazy over this! I go for a small walk in the corridors. I meet a few Tok'ra, all who smile encouragingly at me. They all know what is happening - the Tok'ra rumour mill is always working full time. They also all know about my challenge - and my statement that I wanted to be considered Martouf and Lantash's mate, as was my right.

No one had expected this, but most seems to approve. I talked to a few of the Tok'ra yesterday, in the mess hall. Malek, Anise, Aldwin, Lopnek...they all said they were happy and that they hoped all would be well. They tell me Lantash is one of the best at healing among the Tok'ra, so that is good.

It also turns out the Tok'ra all know about Martouf and Lantash's feelings for me. They are apparently not very good at hiding them - which I guess I already knew.

* * *

Finally, several hours later, my dad comes through the door, looking exhausted, but happy.

"They'll live." He smiles at me. "It was hard, but they will make a complete recovery."

I don't think I have ever felt happier. It feels as if my heart sings. "Can I go see them?"

My dad shakes his head. "They need to rest. Lantash is exhausted and Martouf is sleeping deeply. They will be weak for a couple days, but a good nights rest will help them much. You need some rest too - I don't think you've slept well for a long time. Go to sleep. Tomorrow you can go talk to them."

"Thanks, dad." I hug him.

I suddenly feel very tired, though I am almost giddy with happiness and much too happy to be able to sleep. I decide to take a warm bath, and after that I am able to sleep. Tomorrow I will get to talk to Martouf and Lantash again!

I wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly worried they will not want me. I am deliriously happy they are alive and will be well, but what if they are angry at me for shooting them? What if the zatarc-programming - even though it is gone now, removed by the zat-shot they say - somehow altered their personality? Their feelings for me? But I know Lantash loved me in the other timeline, so he should in this as well, I tell myself.

But what about Martouf? What if only Lantash loves me, and Martouf is just 'fond' of me, as he said, and think of me only as what is left of Jolinar? Is that enough? He seems to want _something_ of a relationship with me - I think - but does he love me? Will he ever? Or will he just think of me as the woman who carries what is left of his love, and who was the one that caused her death - even if I did not mean to? The one who shot him - even if he begged me to, and I had no choice?

I am - confused. I want to believe Lantash loves me - and if he does, will Martouf not also come to love me, even if he doesn't already? I remember clearly him telling they love as one, so he _should_ love me also.

The thoughts keeps chasing each other in my mind, and it is late before I finally fall asleep again. At least my dreams are normal, even if some of them are angsty.


	7. Chapter 7

Next morning I wake up and take a bath in the Tok'ra pools, then goes to the mess hall. It is still only mid-morning, so I expect it will be awhile before Martouf and Lantash is ready for visits. They are both late sleepers on a good day, and if they're as exhausted as dad said, they need their sleep. 

I have just finished my breakfast when there is some commotion. I look up and see the rest of my team! When did they arrive? I didn't think they even knew I was here! 

I see dad try to calm the Colonel down, but he is not having much luck. I sigh and get up, depositing the tray on the way to my team mates. 

"Carter...so this is where they're hiding you! They haven't snaked you, have they?"

"No!" I look quizzically at Daniel, hoping for an explanation.

"General Hammond told us you'd gone here, as soon as we returned from our 'vacation'."

I realise how long I have been here, and that our stand-down must be almost over. I look to my dad. 

"I'll talk to George about giving you some more time off, Sammie." He smiles at me. 

"Oh, and what's all that about you being married to Marty? And isn't he dead?" O'Neill looks very annoyed at me. 

"That...is a long story...but he isn't dead. He'll be fine, actually. They both will." 

"I'm happy for them!" O'Neill says, clearly not happy. "What's with the marriage thing?"

"I...um...it's a long story...turns out I was kinda married to them the whole time and never knew! You know, as Jolinar's new host I automatically became their mate."

"That's insane!" O'Neill exclaims.

"Yeah - what if you don't want them?" Daniel raises his eyebrows. Teal'c merely stands back, listening. I guess he has seen more different cultures than O'Neill and even Daniel. 

I feel like telling Daniel that he isn't the one to talk about whether or not someone wants someone as their mate, seeing as Sha're was given to him on Abydos, and at least being blended with a Tok'ra would make me feel the same as the symbiote - eventually. I decide against saying it. 

"If I had stayed with Jolinar as is normally the case, I would have felt like her. If anything, the problem would have been what Martouf and Lantash felt, but apparently, usually a relationship continues."

O'Neill snorts. "And you just found out?"

"Yes. The Tok'ra - Martouf and Lantash - they wouldn't have said anything because of how short a time I was host and how I came to be host - but I still had the right according to Tok'ra law."

"And what insanity made you decide to ask for it? Whatever went into your head!" O'Neill made a face. "Nothing, I hope. Perhaps we should have Doc Fraiser do an MRI on you when you go back with us. Like now!" 

"Can't you just accept what I did? I had my reasons!" 

"I told you I have feelings for you!" O'Neill suddenly bursts out.

"And I told you I didn't know what I felt! That I needed to figure out what I felt for Martouf and Lantash also! And I thought we weren't going to discuss it again. Why are we even talking about this!?"

"I have no idea - since you've obviously made up your mind!" 

I kinda feel sorry for him, but with the knowledge I have from the other timeline - the possible future - I know that he won't get his ass together to any kind of relationship with me for the next 7 years, at least. And besides, with Martouf and Lantash alive there is no doubt who it is I want. 

"Sorry, sir. You're right. I have made up my mind." He doesn't need to know that I had to make the decision quickly, in order to force the Council to let Lantash heal Martouf. It is still the right decision for me, I know that know. "I guess I should have told you."

My dad looks pretty shocked at all this. "How dare you even consider a relationship with my daughter when you know what it would do to her career?" He explodes. 

"Dad. It's alright. We weren't gonna do anything, and as I just said, I want Martouf and Lantash - if they want me...and could we perhaps go somewhere less public? Because with the number of Tok'ra listening in - however much they seem to pretend not to - the entire base will now it all soon." If they don't already. The Tok'ra rumour mill is worse even than the one at the SGC - and that's bad! 

"Major Carter...I would like to congratulate you on your marriage." Teal'c suddenly said. "My respects to both of you."

"Thanks, Teal'c." I smile at him. 

"Uh...it's all three of them, isn't it?" Daniel asks. "And yeah, congratulations, Sam. Sorry for just going off on this and not saying that." 

I smile, and look at O'Neill who suddenly looks a bit bashful. "Yeah, I guess." Then he smiles. "Will there be cake?"

My dad takes a deep breath and decides there is no reason to reopen anything. Or perhaps Selmak is being reasonable and forces him to be as well. "I already asked that - we never got any answer to that, did we Sam?"

I grin. "No...but I'll make sure you'll get a great cake." I sober. "I just need to talk to Martouf and Lantash first. I don't really know how they feel."

My team-mates look confused, which I guess is understandable. The Tok'ra way is very different. 

 

* * *

I have been told Martouf and Lantash are awake - and much stronger. I have picked up some food from the mess hall and are taking the tray to them. They haven't had anything to eat since before they were shot. I know they've been in stasis for some time, but they have been out of it for almost two days now, and they have spent much of the time healing. That's gotta take a lot of energy. 

"Hi, Martouf." I smile at him, a little nervously. He looks well, but still tired. He look up when he sees me and smile back - just as widely as he usually does. I feel my heart beat faster, and suddenly I know without any doubt that I love him completely, and that it is not because of Jolinar.

"Hello, Samantha." He sits up in the bed. 

I put the tray down on a the table beside the bed, and pick up the small bed-table. "I thought you might be hungry?"

"Ravenous. I thank you for thinking of it." 

"I'm just happy to be able to do this for you." I place the bed-table and put the tray on top of it. Martouf picks up a piece of bread and put some butter and jam on it, then munches on it, then turns to me. 

 "Lantash and I were hoping you would be here. Jacob talked very briefly to us yesterday and told us you were here." He eats some more of the bread. 

I blush. "Did he...uh...tell you anything more...than that I'm here, I mean?" 

He shakes his head and take a drink from the orange juice. "No. I was very tired, and I have not been told much. I also remembers very little of what has happened...why I was injured. Lantash remembers more. He tells me...that we had become zatarcs. That we tried shooting up the gateroom - and that I begged you to kill us."

"It's true, I'm afraid. You have no idea how grateful I am that you survived. That both of you survived."

Martouf looks very pleased to hear this, but something is obviously concerning him. 

"Samantha...I am very sorry for asking you to shoot me. I had no right to do this."

"I'm only sorry I had to do it. You were in pain, and you did not want to destroy yourself. You..." My voice breaks, and I almost sob. "You wanted to preserve your body to let the Tok'ra find out how the zatarc programming was done." 

He nods, and he is quiet for some time, eating more of the food. "Lantash said that whatever they had done, somehow also blocked him from taking control when the programming activated. He could not stop me. I have told him he should not feel guilty about it."

"Of course he should not! This was all the fault of the Goa'uld who did this to you!" I exclaim. 

"Yes, but it is still unpleasant to think of how I almost might have destroyed the alliance between our people. I very much believe it is the answer to the success against the Goa'uld." 

"The alliance is not in trouble." At least, I hope it won't be, now when it has one of its strongest proponents still alive. I am sure Martouf and Lantash will do their best to keep the cooperation between our people's functioning well. It will not go as it did in the other timeline. I am confident of this. 

He nods. "Will you be staying her on the base for a little while longer?" He looks hopeful. "I believe I am strong enough for a walk on the surface, and I would very much like to spend some time with you. We have had too little time to talk recently - and always only during dangerous times." He suddenly gets a pained expression. "Lantash is suddenly remembering a discussion we had with you a few days before the...incident. Anise thought you and Colonel O'Neill were zatarcs, and we came to talk to you - to tell you about...ah...that we wanted you to do everything possible to survive, as we...have become...very fond of you..." He looks down, shyly, as he says this. Then he looks up, a pained expression on his handsome face. "Lantash seems to think you...did not appreciate this..." 

So that is what concerns him! He thinks I rejected them...and to be honest, I guess it could be seen that way. I was confused then, unsure if I wanted Martouf and Lantash - or the Colonel. Or, in truth, I was afraid of loosing myself in the strong emotions I hold for Martouf and his fiery symbiote.

The Colonel seemed a safe excuse - it's not like I could ever be with him, because of the regulations - so I could hide behind those feelings. Avoid making a decision. Postpone it. Always afraid - whether it was of rejection, or of failing to achieve that perfect relationship I wanted...and had grown to want ever more since Jolinar, knowing how it was to love like that. For so long. How could I do anything but fail? When I had something like that to live up to? And when the man I wanted had already had perfection? Suddenly I have an attack of those old fears. 

It certainly does not help having had Jonas as my only 'real' experience with relationships. I met him during college. I had always been the sensible girl who spend all her time on studies and never went out and had fun - not like Mark, who was hanging out with friends. I was always alone, and never had anyone. 

Then I met Jonas. He was older - and strangely attractive. He also had a dominating personality, but at the time no alarm bells went off for that. I felt drawn to him like a moth to a flame, but if he felt anything for me, it was obsession and a desire to control. We were never intimate, and then I admired him for wanting to wait. Later, I suspected he had 'problems'. In any case, I left him when he started ordering me around and hit me. I hit him back, and I think the shock he got from that was what let me leave safely. 

The experience kept me out of any other relationships, and I again buried myself in work and studies. I convinced myself I didn't want or need anyone.

Then the thing with Jolinar happened. Suddenly I knew what love was. How it could be to love someone. And I wanted that. Wanted that so badly - but dared not hope I could have it. 

All of this went through my head as I sat here. What do I say to him? I need to alleviate his fears. I should tell him what I feel for him, but as I think this, the fear that he does not share my feelings pop up again. What if he really does just want to be a friend? 

But I know how Lantash - and so likely also Martouf - feels. 

How can I be this confused? It is not how I am! I am always sure of myself...just not in matters of the heart. Do I chicken out of my chance for love? I look at Martouf. He seems very nervous. 

I make a decision - to go slow - but at least to admit to something. I take his hands, squeezing them gently. 

"Martouf...I was confused...afraid because I thought I was a zatarc. I...uh...am also very fond of you. I cannot bear to think of loosing you. Either of you...and I would love to stay a little longer. Love to walk with you on the surface. There are some things...we need to discuss." 

 

* * *

My dad talked to General Hammond and I have been given a week off to stay here at the Tok'ra. I hope that will be enough time to tell Martouf how I feel. How will he react when he learns I have challenged the Council and demanded my right as his mate? How will he react that I didn't even tell him about? I could have done so as soon as he awoke. Should have, probably. Will he be angry? 

The healers threw me out and insisted Martouf and Lantash needed more rest. I have been back for a short visit, but otherwise I stay away. Mostly because I am a coward. 

I am told they will be strong enough to be discharged tomorrow, so by then I will have to confront him about my feelings. 

"Sam..."

I turn to see my dad. 

"Your team-mates are leaving - why don't you follow them to the 'gate?"

I nod. "Of course. I'm not a very good friend for them, am I?"

"You're just a bit pre-occupied." He bows his head. Selmak!

"Samantha...did you tell Martouf and Lantash you have asked to be considered their mate?"

Why did I know she was going to say this?!

"No...not yet. I...didn't want to...confuse them with that right now. They should rest first."

Selmak looks as if she disapproves, then sighs. "I shall attempt to make sure he does not hear of it from others first. You will tell him tomorrow!"

"I promise." I run off to see my friends to the Stargate.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day, Martouf finds me in the mess hall, where I have just sat down with my breakfast. He looks much better, and as strong as always. I smile at him, and tell him to sit at my table. He smiles, and does that, putting his tray down first.

We chat about this and that - nothing serious - while we eat. I feel the eyes of everyone in the room on us. How much do they know? Does Martouf sense it?

We finish our breakfast and drop off our trays at the dishes.

"Samantha...would you like to take a walk with me on the surface?"

"Yes, of course." I smile, feeling my heart beat faster.

We walk in silence to the transportation rings, and soon we are on the surface. Despite this being a different planet - Vorash - than the one we met the Tok'ra on, this very much reminds me of the first time we walked together.

This is also a desert planet, but there are more rocks and even small mountains here. The sand is a different colour, darker, and it is generally colder. Not cold, though, it is actually quite pleasant today, and there is barely any wind. Good, I hate getting blasts of sand in my face!

We walk for a little while, until we have passed the first group of large rocks. We are hidden from anyone who uses the ring transporters or the Stargate - and from the light wind. Martouf leads me to a place just beyond the rocks, which have a group of small, gnarly trees, but a surprisingly green cover of grass. There must be water just under the surface. We sit down on top of the small hill. The time for truth has arrived.

"Martouf...there is something we need to talk about." I fiddle a little with a leaf of grass. "I just don't know how to start."

"You have decided you don't feel anything for us." Martouf blurted out.

"What?" I stare at him. What is going on in his head?

"We have discussed it much since yesterday - Lantash and I. You only checked on us briefly, then stayed away from us."

"No, that's not it at all!" I look for a reason I can give him. If I tell him I was confused and afraid, he will think I am a chicken shit. "You needed to rest. I didn't want to disturb you."

Suddenly Martouf dips his head and looking up his eyes flash. Lantash looks at me.

" **We have had enough rest, thank you. It would have been nice to spend some time talking to you instead - we did not enjoy being alone with our thoughts.** "

I consider telling him he's sounding a bit needy, but I understand that their feelings and self-confidence is probably not the best right now, after having been brainwashed and made into a tool for the very people they hate. After almost causing serious problems to a treaty they had worked hard for for months. I feel sorry for them. I take a deep breath.

"Lantash...I'm glad to see you too are alright. Listen, it wasn't just that you needed rest. I know...I should have been there for you, but...there were some things I needed to think through. Besides, I was...nervous."

" **Nervous?** " He looks like he doesn't understand. " **About me or Martouf?** "

"Neither." I take his hand. "About myself - and about how you would react."

" **To what?** "

"Lantash - you know some time has passed since you were shot..."

" **Yes. We were in stasis, presumably so they could evaluate our health and prepare how best to help us heal.** "

"Partly, but...according to my dad...the Council was...divided on whether or not to let you risk to try and heal Martouf."

" **I see.** " He looks decidedly unhappy. " **There were those who remove the choice from me, and make it for me. Who? Delek? Ren'al? Others?** "

"Those...and others. Selmak and Garshaw, and a few others wanted to let you try. Lantash...they said it was too dangerous for you...that the Tok'ra have grown few and they could not risk the life of any of the symbiotes..."

" **But they could risk the life of our hosts? Where do they think they would be without them? Besides, do they have so little fate in my abilities? The injuries were not that severe! Given some time I could have done it without Jacob's help with the healing device, though we would have been more exhausted and needed longer to recuperate. Either those Council members are fools, or they have another, insidious agenda!** " Lantash spat.

"There may also be an aspect of some of your scientists wanting to find out more about the zatarc programming. That was why Martouf did not want to destroy him...and you."

" **A noble reason - but not when the cost would have been the life of a man who has devoted his life to the fight against the Goa'uld - and to be the host to a Tok'ra! They should be grateful to Martouf and people like him - people without which they would be nothing!** " Lantash was understandably protective of his host, Martouf.

"I agree." I squeeze his hand. "Fortunately, you were allowed to try to heal Martouf - and you succeeded. For which I am very grateful." I smile at him, desperately wanting to throw my arms around him and kiss him until we are both out of air.

Lantash gives control to Martouf, feeling the need for someone more diplomatic to be in charge.   


"We are...curious. What made the Council change their minds?"

"They were...ah...forced to."

"Forced to?" Martouf looks disbelieving. "How?"

"I...kinda challenged them - stood on my...ah...right to have a say. They agreed."

Martouf's cheeks suddenly colours. "I didn't know you knew you could do that."

"Jacob told me."

He nods. "You do know what that means?"

"That I acknowledged I am your mate? Yes, I know." I blush furiously and feel like kicking myself. "I...what should I do? I realise it's something we should have discussed, but I didn't know before, and there was no other way now." Besides, before I wouldn't have known what I wanted. "Are you angry? Do you wish to repudiate the relationship? I can understand if you do."

"Repudiate it! Of course not." He looks like I'm crazy to even suggest it. Perhaps I am. I am feeling relief. "Samantha...there is nothing that would make Lantash and I happier than to have you as our mate. Please tell me you wish to be our mate, and did not just agree to it to convince the Council!"

"I do wish to be...your mate." I get out, my heart again beating wildly - and I feel my cheeks burn.

Martouf smiles and twines his fingers with mine, then pull me in for a kiss. He moves slowly, wanting to make sure I really do want this. Almost as if he cannot believe I mean it. I guess I have really not sent out very clear signals. I'm deeply grateful to those stones and the aliens who created them. I quickly close the distance between us, and our lips meet.

Finally!

The kiss is every bit as wonderful as I have always imagined it would be. Martouf is a great kisser! He embraces me and starts caressing my back, his hands slowly straying, one further down to my butt, the other finds a breast.

We take a break for air, and I look into his beautiful blue-grey eyes, smoldering with passion. As I look, his eyes flash and Lantash takes control. He immediately swoops in and begins to kiss me, clearly not wanting to let Martouf have all the fun.

I would not have thought it possible, but Lantash is an even better kisser than Martouf! I feel as if my body is melting as he kisses me deeply, thoroughly, and very very passionately. He continues fondling me as well, but is more direct than Martouf, his hands pulling at my shirt and sliding under it almost immediately.

The last clear thought I have before succombing to the haze of lust as he pushes me down in the soft grass, is that I have never been happier. I finally have the mates of my soul.


End file.
